Swimming

I started swimming again on Monday. I haven't been in a pool since at least February, but I think it was actually more like January (can't remember now). It was great to get back into the water and get a great work out. Unfortunately my lapse of time in the water has decreased my speed and endurance, but I am determined to keep it up!

My original motivation was to help me lose a few pounds before the wedding, but a friend pointed me toward the speedo website and now I am swimming with a greater purpose. To help stop Malaria! You can find my swim page at http://www.WorldSwimAgainstMalaria.com/ann and even contribute to the cause through my page!

I'm planning to do 25km between now and June 25. It's about 15.5 miles and at my current pace it's something like 11 hours in the pool - totally doable. I would have set my goal higher but who knows how much time I'll have in the next two weeks (since I'm getting married and all) and I didn't want to shoot myself in the foot! I can always increase my goal though. :) I may try to do an extra long swim on June 25 since it's the final day and all, but I don't know yet - I'll keep you posted of course!

Disoriented

I woke up this morning convinced that it was Friday. I'm not too far from the truth on that since I am taking tomorrow and Friday off, but it is in fact Wednesday not Friday. Yesterday I told someone it was Wednesday, Monday felt like Tuesday, and Sunday felt like Saturday. My days are all wacky right now and I'm not sure why. Too much exercise maybe? :)

Things are moving along for the wedding. We're 3 1/2 weeks away from the "I Do's" and there is still quite a bit to do. I'm not really stressed about it though, I know it'll all get done and I am taking a 5-day weekend starting tomorrow to tackle the few remaining big list items. On the agenda are centerpieces, ceremony programs, chairs, and linens. It should be a productive weekend.

Amidst all of the wedding planning I have been working part time at the Security office at SPU in a temp position. I can stay at SPU through the end of the summer, but it'd be great to have a full time job with benefits so I have been applying for various other jobs too. Hopefully something will come through sooner rather than later, but we'll see.

My job search has brought up a lot of questions for me regarding what it is that I really want to do with my life. On one hand I'd like to get into a position that I could see myself doing long term and has potential for advancement. On the other hand I need a job to support Eddie and I. I don't want to settle for just anything, but I don't know how far I should push pursuing something I'm more passionate about, especially when the pay is unlikely to hit the mark that I need. I stressed myself out about it last week. Eddie was (of course) really supportive of me and the situation, but it didn't really provide me with a lot of answers. I just don't think I've ever been a big fan of transition. Change I am good with because I am doing something or something is happening, but transition involves a lot of waiting and I am not usually in control. It's much more stressful!

In other news, I am planning to start writing down stories from my Europe trip and life in general. I realized that a lot of the blogging I did overseas was direct, "this is what I did today" information. I don't want to forget all my stories and adventures that I had! I may post some of them here so get excited. :)

More than Enough

Life has been busy lately. Busy, busy busy! After I got engaged and everyone told me that planning a wedding was a lot of work, I kind of brushed it off like it was no big deal. I mean, how hard could it be? I coordinated events for three years at SPU and I have put together several big parties and always helped out with things at my parent's house. Why should a wedding be that much different?

In some ways, I do still think that it isn't as big of a task as some people made it out to be, but I now know it was naive of me to be so flippant about it. It's not the planning itself that it is hard, but rather keeping to a budget and accommodating every one's opinions, thoughts, and suggestions. It's funny who decides to throw their two cents into the ring and more often than not it's people that I never would have expected it from. I now wish I could go back in time and hold my tongue when talking to friends who were planning their weddings.

I have learned a lot so far in this process. Everything from having to be more assertive about what it is that I want and being less blunt and more tactful when saying it to ordering extras just in case because it'll probably end up saving me money in the end. I'm sure there are more things that I will learn as June 5 approaches, but I'll take those as they come.

I am working part-time at SPU as temporary staff in the Security office (I think I mentioned that before) and it is keeping me more than busy! I am so thankful for the time that I had unemployed when I was able to get a lot of big-picture ideas nailed down and figured out. I still have more than enough to do and my list seems to keep growing and growing! We're doing a lot of the pieces ourselves and so it just takes up a lot of time. If it were my full time job to plan a wedding it'd be much easier than planning one while working 32 hours/week and trying to be creative about it all!

Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying the process and I wouldn't really want it any other way. I like to be in control and organize details about things that I care about. It just is a lot more work than I originally anticipated.

When it all comes down to it though, the thing that matters most is that Eddie and I are getting married and starting a wonderful new life together. I am so thankful for him and God's work in both of our lives bringing us together. It's been such an incredible journey so far and I can't wait to see what is in store. I'm so ready for this next phase, but am trying really hard not to get too carried away and focused on the future. I want to enjoy this moment and being engaged and all that comes along with it. I am blessed and thankful for everything in my life. I have more than enough. So much more.

Back on the Wagon

I am finally forcing myself to get back on the wagon.

No, I am not a smoker or alcoholic, but I am addicted to something. That something is food and laziness.

I have however finally decided that the habbits I have fallen into since returning from Europe will not do. I not only have a wedding dress to fit into on June 5, but I also have not yet reached the goal that I set out to meet two years ago!

I have seven weeks until the wedding and I have decided that there are no more excuses allowed. I am busy and life is hectic while I am working and planning a wedding, but I will make time to work out and I will begin eatting better! Fortunately my eating habbits aren't too far off (though they can be better) and it's really just the working out part that I need to be more dedicated about.

A few of my co-workers (I may not have mentioned this yet, but I am temping at SPU until the end of May and am now working in the Security office) are trying to lose weight as well and so we have embarked upon a group challenge. We have seven weeks (until June 4) to lose as much weight as we can. Whoever loses the most weight wins, and the two losers have to buy the winner dinner.

So, I now have a goal and I now have extra motivation to lose the weight. I have signed up for an online food and exercise tracker. I will be putting a little icon on the side of the blog where you can follow my progress! There's no time like the present right? Right!

Here goes nothing!

Burn

I burned my hand this morning.

I was boiling water in my tea kettle and went to pour it in my cup. When I poured it out of the spout it came out faster than I anticipated and didn't make it into the cup, but instead went all over my left hand that was holding the cup.

This is a picture of my hand this morning.

Here is what it looks like now.

I am just awesome I guess.

Helpless

One of the causes of anorexia is that people feel out of control and helpless. They feel like the only thing they can control is what they do or don't eat. It's their own way of regaining their sense of what they've lost and creating a sense of order, though it is twisted and unhealthy. Some days I feel as though I can understand where this desire comes from. I am not anorexic, so please don't misconstrue my words. All I mean is that sometimes I wish there was more in my life that I could control.

My life is good. I have a wonderful family that loves and cares for me and my parents are letting me live at home in exchange for monthly chores since I don't have a job. Eddie is the best fiance ever and puts up with all my wedding craziness like a pro. He is supportive and encouraging and always right there by my side loving me. I have great friends that I can call anytime to just chat with, complain to, or process things out loud with. We have ridiculous amounts of fun and can laugh for hours over the most minute and insignificant thing. I have a great life, but that' doesn't mean it's always easy.

Right now the thing that I have to latch onto is the wedding. I am planning all the details and trying to organize the day. If I throw myself into the chaos that is a wedding then I don't have to think about where Eddie and I are going to live, how we are going to support ourselves, and the countless other unknowns ahead of us. My life, though great, is chaotic enough right now in this moment, let alone all the question marks of the future.

Most of my things are in storage still and the few things I have unpacked are haphazardly placed in drawers and closet spaces. Half of my closet is not mine - it became my parent's storage space when I moved out years ago. Few things actually have a place in my life right now. I feel helpless, and at the same time I know it's not helpless. I know things will get better and more "controlled" as time goes on, but it's the now that is difficult. I want to fix things, it's what I do, but I can't right now. I can't fix this problem. I have to wait, Eddie and I have to wait. We have to do our best but we also have to trust God and know that He will take care of us in this situation.

For now, that's all I can do. Well, that and taste test wedding cake.

Extended Absense

Hi Friends,

I know I have been abnormally absent and I plan to update this soon. Life has been busy with more traveling and wedding planning. My plan and goal is to get myself into a more rigid routine in the next week so that I can keep myself on track and organize my life so that I don't feel so scattered.

I have created a new blog, www.eddieandann.blogspot.com, which is where I will be posting wedding updates and details. Please feel free to follow along there as well. I also have created a website on The Knot. There is some cross-over from the sites but the website has more of the "details" whereas the blog has more of the "process." Or at least it will as I continue to update things.

Anyway, I am still here, alive and kickin. More details will come soon. I promise!

For now I am off to work out so that I can fit into my dress come June. Talk about a real motivator!