Silliness

I went to a living room concert last night. This musician travels around to people’s living rooms and performs for whoever they invite. He does it because he likes the intimate gathering of people and finds that people appreciate what he has to offer more in that type of setting than in a coffee shop or bar or wherever. He sells his CD’s and chats with everyone and it’s a great setting to get to know an artist on a personal level not just as a “musician.” I really enjoyed this guy’s music and his lyrics were well written: articulate and clever. I wanted to buy a CD or two, but I had to put it in perspective. 1 CD = food for a day while traveling, 2 CDs = museum entrance fee, 3 CDs = 1 night’s lodging.

The person who hosted this living room concert is a former SPU student and now attends a local church that is heavily attended by SPU students and graduates. I mention this because there were about 30 people in attendance last night and five people (including the artist) were males – although technically the artist and his friend (who came with him to help set-up) shouldn’t count. Adding to the SPUness of it, the artist’s friend and one of the other guys in attendance were married and one of the guys appeared to be dating one of the girls there. This leaves only two single men; the artist and a former SPU male – who by the way is a notorious single guy that is “just friends” with everyone, oh wait, isn’t that an attribute for all SPU guys?

So there I sat, in a room full of girls listening to an attractive, single, talented, Christian singer/songwriter play his guitar. Heaven help us all.

As soon as he started playing I could feel the mood in the room change. It went from, “hmm, this is kind of awkward,” to “ahhhh.” Every girl was instantly falling head over heels for this guy. Even the girls who were “taken” displayed a girlish grin as they swayed to his music, and how could they not when his opening song was about a relationship with a girl? As the night progressed everything became more interactive and he had us all in the palm of his hand when he sang his “break-up” song (which really is a great song). I could even feel myself succumbing to his powers.

I started to convince myself that every time we made eye contact it was a sign of his interest. And when he didn’t seem to be making eye contact, it meant that he couldn’t because he would be too distracted by the sight of me and would mess up his set. (Because we all know that I have that kind of power over men - LOL) Then every girl in the room became my enemy. Anytime they laughed at his jokes or expressed enjoyment of his music it was a threat to the connection that he and I shared; our unspoken love that should have been obvious to them all.

I found myself annoyed by one girl in particular who seemed to keep interjecting herself in the group conversation. Offering unnecessary comments and sharing ridiculous stories, she was so obvious about her crush on him, not quietly playing it cool like me. Of course, I had already decided that he was not the kind of guy who went for the obvious girl, but preferred the girls who, in a setting like this, sat back and observed and enjoyed the music, instead of ruining it with her comments.

Don’t get me wrong, I participated in the sing-a-long and laughed when it was appropriate, but is it really necessary to hum and try to harmonize with a song that you don’t know just so you can look like you’re “into” the music and show off your vocal skills – which in reality aren’t actually that great? I hate it when girls do that. At the end of the night I spoke to him for all of 30 seconds none of which really related to me. But, that’s ok right? We shared an awkward silence which meant so much more – obviously he felt exactly the same way about me but just couldn’t find the words to express himself or a good way to start a conversation.

After we left I was talking to a friend who had also been at the party. A few minutes into our conversation I realized that we felt exactly the same way – convinced that he was going to e-mail us the next day expressing his passion and love for us. He had each of our e-mail addresses since we had signed up for his e-newsletter. How could this be that we each left with the same impression? How could it be that he wasn’t in love with me after I had sat there for an hour politely listening to him and not being overly flirty with him (like the one girl)? I instantly shifted to a bitter level. Fine, if he doesn’t want to be with me, it’s his loss. He can go flitter around the country with the crazy girl. What do I care? I’m amazing and if he doesn’t see that then he’s not worth my time.

Then it hit me.

I am the crazy one.

It’s no wonder that boys think girls are confusing, and it’s no wonder we think they’re confusing. We’re all too busy reading into the things that are happening around us instead of actually taking the time to see situations for what they are. Yes, it’s possible that this musician liked me, picked me out of the crowd, and I was his muse for the night, but it’s HIGHLY unlikely, and that’s ok. I don’t really think it’s a girl thing either. I think it’s human nature. We see what we want to see and interpret it how we want. It’s really us confusing ourselves. If we took the time to see that an apple had fallen out of the tree we wouldn’t be running around convinced that the sky had fallen.

Maybe it’s time for me to start appreciating the reality of the world around me instead of the possible interpretations that each situation could potentially be. It’s exhausting to have to consider all the different scenarios and frankly it is unnecessary. I do have to admit though, it is highly entertaining to watch.