Anxiety

I feel like writing tonight but I don’t necessarily have a topic. There isn’t a whole lot to share and at the same time I think I could go on for pages and pages just filling up space sharing about my day and the randomness of the world I experience. There is so much to say and yet nowhere to begin. Maybe I should work on my book … hmm …

My heart is beating rather strongly tonight. I’m not sure why. I think I’m anxious. I want it to snow. Badly. I want work to be delayed tomorrow – but not canceled. It wouldn’t be awful to have it canceled, but we’re supposed to have a Christmas lunch and I’d like to get free lunch. I’m such a mooch, I know.

I can feel my heart in my throat. It’s a strange feeling. It’s like butterflies, but not quite as strong and I’m not about to do anything that would cause me to be so nervous – at least that I’m aware of. Maybe it’s subconscious and my body knows what is going to happen before it happens.

I’ve actually been feeling this nervousness off and on for the last few weeks. I had the feeling on the 6th when I went out for my birthday (the first time) and that ended up being a fun night. I then got the feeling again last week – I don’t remember which day, but I’m pretty sure that was the night that I found out someone wanted my number. Unfortunately it was not a boy I’m interested in, but it’s always nice to know that someone is interested. So what about tonight? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the snow. Although, I suspect that it is more than that.

Perhaps it’s the lingering excitement of having dinner with friends that I hadn’t seen in awhile. I enjoyed my time catching up and didn’t really want it to end – although our dinner lasted almost two and a half hours. Overall, I just had a good day and I’m thankful that I have people in my life that I can share time with.

I thought that perhaps by writing something the source of my anxiety would be revealed but I still feel the fluttering. It’s actually kind of intense. It’s a fun feeling but almost depressing at the same time. Maybe I would feel better about it if I knew the source of this feeling. Perhaps my subconscious will reveal itself in my dream tonight.

I guess that means it’s time for bed.