One Look

I have been working hard these last several months to become healthier. My goal was to be more aware of the foods I put in my body and to exercise on a regular and consistent basis. I would say that I have achieved this goal for myself, and now I am in the process of making it a lifelong habit. I’m pretty good about keeping on track with my plan most of the time. I don’t forbid myself to have anything but if something isn’t great for me, I’ll limit myself to the quantity. I’m doing well, and I’m proud of myself. It’s almost as if I have forgotten that there are “other things” out there that are bad for me. They aren’t a part of my life anymore, until suddenly, that craving for my most favorite thing floods over me.

Homemade cookie dough is one of those things I just cannot resist. I am going to be the worst pregnant woman ever because the thing that I am going to want is cookie dough – for those of you who do not know, raw egg is bad to eat when you are pregnant, even worse than normal – and don’t try to tell me I can just make it with fake egg or without egg or buy the pre-packaged kind. No. Those alternatives are never as good and never hit the spot the way a fresh batch of REAL cookie dough does.

I do not have any cookie dough in my vicinity right now – but that is because I ate all of it that I made two weeks ago. I had a bad day and all I wanted was my glorious cookie dough, so I let myself have it. I made most of it into cookies (not quite as tempting as the dough) and just saved a little bit of the raw material to enjoy later. I made the batch on Friday and everything was gone by Monday. An entire batch of cookies – gone. Granted, I did have some help, it wasn’t all me, but I’ll be honest; it was mostly me. I just can’t help myself when I get that craving or see that dough, I fall back into old habits. This last week, I discovered that this problem of mine is not just related to food, it also pertains to boys.

As I have said before, I am a crush slut. I crush on more people faster than anyone else I know. It’s quite ridiculous. There are some people in my life that I have been able to move on from. I’ve crushed on them and it’s out of my system and I no longer like them. Then there are the boys who are my cookie dough. I see them and as much as I know that I should not like them, my heart just goes to mush the second I see them. They walk by and my heart practically jumps out of my chest in anticipation that they might talk to me – and when they do, the best thing I can usually come up with to say is some sort of garbled rambling mess that not even I understand. Someone should really send me back to junior high.

All it takes is one look from him, one small touch, or one whiff of his cologne and I am ruined for the next two weeks. It’s so dumb and so silly and for some reason, so fun.

As much as I hate it, I will admit, that I love it too. It’s the excitement and the rush that makes it this way even though I logically know that nothing will happen. He is not in to me, and honestly it’s ok, because I don’t know if I’d really be into him down the line if something serious ever happened, but the superficial high is good enough for now.

To all of my friends who will hear me gush about him (whoever “he” is at the moment), I am just going to issue this apology in advance – although for many of you it is probably more appropriate to say this is a belated apology. Thank you for indulging me, thank you for humoring me, and most of all, thanks for just being there when I am craving all the things I shouldn’t have.