Patience

I think I’m being taught a lesson in patience.

I’ve never really thought of myself as an impatient person, except for maybe when I’m driving, but over the last few weeks I’ve noticed that I have been eager for things to happen right away. I want people to call me back right away, I wish trips didn’t take as long, time between work and when I go swim cannot ever seem to pass quickly enough, and my work day never seems to end. I’m not sure why all of a sudden I’m so jumpy and anxious to get to the next moment, but it’s starting to stress me out a little.

Last night and all morning I have found myself checking my e-mail every 2 minutes and checking my phone every time I have to step away from it. When my phone does ring/vibrate my heart skips a beat and I wonder who is on the other end. I saw that I had a new e-mail in my inbox and again, my insides jumped and flipped about as I anticipated who it might be from or what it might say. I’m being ridiculous I know, but part of me can’t help it. I’ve opened this door and now I’m facing the consequences of my actions – not that they’re all bad.

The sad part about all of this is that because I am so focused on wanting one specific thing to happen, I am not appreciating the other things that are occurring around me. If a friend calls I am excited to talk to him/her but it’s not the person I’ve been waiting for to call and so there is some disappointment in the back of my mind. I don’t want that. I enjoy talking to my friends and I don’t like that I find myself wishing it was another name that showed up on my caller ID.

I’ve decided that I don’t like the way my brain is acting and I’m going to try and change it. I am going to be patient. I am going to enjoy all the moments of my day and not just sit around and wait for a certain one. I am taking action against myself in order to do something for myself. I will be patient, but I will also not become a slave to the waiting game.