Monday, January 12, 2009

Quarter of a Century

I don’t often feel old. In fact most of the time I feel the same as I always have – or at least I think I do. Age is one of those gradual things that slowly creeps up on you. I think we always feel the same because there’s never a huge jump. We get older one second, minute, hour, day at a time – not a year at a time. It’s hard for me to fathom that it’s 2009 and that I’ve been out of college for 2 ½ years – which means I’ve been out of high school for 6 ½ years. That’s crazy! I’ve been working at SPU for over two years now and I have no idea where the time has gone.

I think part of my lack of feeling old is influenced by the fact that I hang out with younger people. I work in an office with people who are older than me, but whenever I go out on campus I see college kids – and so I still think of myself that way. I’ve finally started dressing like an “adult” but on weekends or after work I’m immediately in my sweats or jeans and comfy clothes. I haven’t really grown up. I just pretend. Lately I’ve been having moments where I am realizing how old I am and it’s kind of weird.

I was talking with a friend the other day and she was telling me that she’d be willing to date an older guy and then proceeded to tell me about this 23 year old guy she kind of had a crush on. I suddenly realized I didn’t know how old she was - obviously, younger than 23. I felt instantly old. Not that 25 is so much older than 23 or 22 (her age) but I just became very aware that an older guy for her was a younger guy for me.

I don’t think I’m old – 25 is not old – and I’m not “past my prime” as one friend likes to joke, but it is strange to think about the next five years of my life and what they will be like. I can guarantee that they will be completely different than the last 5 years. I’ve always thought I’d probably be married by 25, and if not married at least dating someone. It’s funny how life is sometimes.

The place I am right now is a good place. I’m in transition – or at least heading for a transition. I am honestly glad that I’m not married or dating anyone seriously. There are some major things I want to do with my life still and having to factor another person into those plans would only make things harder. I have quite a few friends who are married or engaged or about to be engaged and I am so incredibly happy for them. They are happy and are living the lives that they want to life. I’ll get there someday too I’m sure – I’m just not there now – and that’s ok.

Twenty five feels awfully close to thirty and I know that every year I get closer to that milestone is going to feel strange. But this is life. It’s what’s supposed to happen. We all get older and suddenly realize that we’re older at the most random of sudden moments.


I don’t feel like I know enough to be this old – maybe if I fail the knowledge test I can go back to being 24 …

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