World Series Game 1

Like most Americans, I grew up watching the Super Bowl. Unlike most people, we got up to get our snacks, had conversations, and muted the TV during the game. We cared more about the new commercials than anything else. As far as other sports went, my only memories of watching them on TV were when my grandpa or uncles were around.

Since Eddie and I have been married I think that I have seen more sports games than I have the rest of my life! I don't hate it by any means and I sure am learning a lot of really random tidbits that most other people learn much earlier in life. I am thankful that of all the sports Eddie's favorite is baseball because it's the one I probably know the most about.

Since tonight is the first game of the World Series (Texas Rangers vs. SanFrancisco Giants) I decided to make it a special event. We had beer brauts with garlic potato fries. Then for desert I made sugar cookies decorated like baseballs. It's been a fun night. Now if the Rangers would just pull it together and win this game it'd be a great night!

Sent from my Samsung Mobile

Friday

As of Friday afternoon, I became unemployed. My temporary job at SPU finally reached it's end, though they would have kept me if they had the money. It's good to finally have a definite end to this position but hard to lose the paycheck and familiarity of the job. It's strange to me that I have spent the last eight years at SPU (with the exception of the six months from when I quit working in Conference Services and was hired in Security). That is a really long time to be somewhere and while change is good, it scares me, in some ways, to try and reach beyond what I know.

I don't think goodbyes have ever been easy for me. I remember moving to a new house (one of many) when I was 6 or 7 and walking through the entire house saying goodbye to the walls and stairs, the garage doors, windows, and even the plants outside. I distinctly remember the feeling of loss I had as I realized that the memories I had of that home were all that I had left. Sure I could return years later and knock on the door, explain that I lived there as a child and ask to come inside, but that house, my house, would never be the same again.

I am probably being overly dramatic about this house. (A house that I lived in for probably two years when I was 6. A house that has come to be one out of the 19 places I have lived so far in my life.) But I share all this to point out that, in a way, my feelings are nothing new. Driving away from SPU at the end of each school year (and even sometimes during breaks) I always felt like I was leaving a part of me behind, like things would never be the same again for me.

When I left campus on Friday, I didn't have the same empty feeling I have had before. When I quit last August I was headed toward something new and exciting. Working that job (or any job for that matter) could not live up to what I was headed toward with my travels and relationship with Eddie. New adventures awaited me and I was anxious for them. This time when I left there was nothing specific ahead of me. I don't know what the future holds - I feel like I've been saying the same thing for the last year now - but I know I'll get where I'm supposed to go. Maybe I'm more at peace with myself now and maybe there really is nothing left for me at SPU. I'm not sure and only time will really be able to give me that answer.

For now, I'm here. I'm applying for jobs and trying to figure out what to do with my life professionally. I'm cleaning the apartment, doing dishes and laundry, and trying to finally get things set-up around here. I'm finishing Thank-You notes, watching movies, bonding with Daphne, and learning how to cook a little better. Life is happening and I'm trying to be in the moment.

Update

I'm a bad blogger, I know. I've been super delinquent in my blogging lately - it's kind of been a theme for the last several months, pretty much since I got back from Europe it seems. Hopefully that will change in the near future, but we'll see.

I guess the update is pretty straight forward. Not much is up. It's a lot of the same old, same old happening here. I'm working at Security (temporarily - though I have been saying that since March) and Eddie is working in a contracted position through next Spring. Eddie is also going to school full time and we're both trying to get into a better work-out routine. Between all that and trying to see each other and our friends, life is busy, very busy. It's a little overwhelming at times - ok a lot of the time. But we're learning to deal with it and we're still enjoying facing it all together.

We have no complaints about being married - at least I don't and he says he doesn't (haha) - which I think is pretty amazing considering all the one-on-one time we've had driving around and visiting different places and people. We took a road trip in September to Glacier, Yellowstone, and Grand Teton National Parks - driving over 2000 miles. Then this last weekend we drove to and from Vegas. Basically, lots of time spent together in my little Volvo and no major fights. Knock on wood.

We are both anxious to move out of our Tukwila apartment and into a better neighborhood that doesn't have police, fire trucks, and ambulances present on a regular basis. Since we've been married we've seen the Medical Examiner twice. This last weekend while we were in Vegas the house behind the apartment (which we can view from our bedroom) caught on fire and someone died. We even saw the body bag pulled out of the house from our window. Between that and Eddie's truck being broken into and the smell of smoke drifting through the floorboards we are anxious to leave.

This coming weekend will be our first night apart since being married and as Eddie told me last night, "I'm sure it wont be the last." It's not a huge deal, but just strange to think about. I've gotten used to him being around all the time.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Hopefully I'll remember to post some updates next week after girls weekend. :)

Appreciation

I used to roll my eyes at a friend of mine and her husband. Whenever they would drive somewhere he would open the car door for her before she got into the car. Being the "independent" woman that I thought I was, this always seemed a little chauvinistic. I mean, I can open my door myself, I don't need some man to do it for me. Now, I'm not saying that my friend's husband was doing this because he thought she was incapable of such things or that he is chauvinistic - I'd actually say that he is quite the opposite and very supportive of my friend - but it simply was not a practice I ever saw myself participating in. Basically, I thought it was cheesy to do it every time she got in the car, and while I love to eat cheese, I am not always a fan of watching it play out before me.

This gesture was something that I declared I would not want to be done for me all the time and I told Eddie just as much when we started talking last May. He responded that he thought it was weird that a guy wouldn't open the door of the car. So when we met in person for the first time and he opened the door for me it was weird. We laughed and joked about it but he continued to do it. Now it is normal practice and if he doesn't open the door (which happens on occasion) it's weird. I've started to take it for granted that he'll be there to open the door for me - even though I sometimes have to roll my eyes at how cheesy we are with each other.

I was thinking about this the other day when I read an article from Time magazine about violence against women in Afghanistan. The picture with the story shows a woman who had her nose and ears cut off by her husband because she ran away from him and his relatives, all of who beat her. The article goes on to talk about different instances of women being abused and mistreated and how the country has changed since the Taliban was taken out of power. One woman who grew up in Canada has returned and now has a talk show (in one place they said to think Oprah meets Hannah Montana). She had a guest who told a joke about a small Afghan town where a woman was seen walking in front of her husband down the street. This was odd because the Taliban required that women walk six steps behind their husbands. When the man in the joke was approached by foreign relief workers to be congratulated on his progressive thinking they were told that the area was a mine field so he forced his wife to walk in front of him.

Even though this story is a joke and isn't necessarily real, I have to wonder if it isn't based on reality in some way. I was left with chills as I finished the article and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my husband. My husband opens doors for me. My husband walks between me and traffic. My husband doesn't want me taking the dog outside when it is dark out. My husband protects me and keeps me from harm - even when we both know I can take care of myself. He cares for me and loves me and would do anything for me. Even in his dreams this is true (last night he had a dream that I was bit by a zombie and he stayed with me and the rest of the zombies instead of going off to a safer area with the uninfected people). He is amazing and even after being married for only two months I take that for granted sometimes.

I was humbled after reading the Time article. There are such horrible things happening in the world and I should not diminish the things that are good. It may be cheesy when a guy opens a door for his wife or girlfriend and it may be ridiculous or seem old fashioned and chauvinistic of him to step in harms way to protect her but that is how it should be. I'm not just talking about men treating women well, but women treating men well - people in general treating other people well. Genuine love and kindness in the world can be a rare thing to find and it should be embraced - not mocked - when it is found. I worry about the world that my children will grow up in but am glad to know that their father will be there to set a good example for them even if I do roll my eyes on occasion.

A Project

I have decided that I need a new project. Last year my project was preparing for Europe (and then going to Europe). Before that it was watching all the AFI and Best Picture movies. Projects this year have been wedding planning and job searching - both of which were/are necessary and only one of which was fun. Now that things are starting to settle down (a little bit at least) after the wedding I have realized that I need to find something to occupy my time while Eddie is doing his school work or out hiking and nearly killing himself doing some extreme activity.

Most likely I will continue watching quality films as time goes on, but probably not with as much gusto as I have in the past. I will also continue to dream about my next trip to Europe, but knowing that it is quite far off in the future makes the dream a little less exciting. I plan to try and get back into a work-out routine to drop the excess weight I have gained since June 5 (it has been a glorious two months of not caring, but my waistline needs to stop growing or my clothes will stop fitting soon) - but let's be honest, working out is not something that I EVER will enjoy.

There are some craft projects that I want to get to and a lot of home decorating that needs to occur, but my big goal is to experiment with different recipes and find new, fun, and healthy things to make. I went through a bunch of cook books this weekend and flagged some recipes to try. Eddie and I have been making a food plan for the month and are planning to try and stick to it - to save money and eat out less but also to plan our shopping lists to avoid unnecessary purchases. I'm excited to try some different things and hope to document some of them here and share - at least the good ones.

I guess the project is really about making me more domestic. Hmm ... we'll see how it goes. :-\

Downside of Travel

After returning from my overseas adventure my focus shifted to the holiday season and planning the wedding. In my "spare" time I also applied for jobs and was fortunate enough to have some connections that allowed me to be hired temporarily. It wasn't (isn't) a glamorous job and not something I anticipate wanting to do long term (in fact I will be finished with the position at the end of August) but it was something to help pay the bills and easy enough that I could sneak in a few wedding planning details between projects.

Well, now that wedding has come and gone I find myself wondering what to do (again) with my life. I am thoroughly enjoying being married to Eddie (as discussed in the last post) and there is plenty for us to do at home to continue to get settled into our apartment but the 32 hours that I work each week and quickly becoming painful. I know 32 hours is not a lot and that I should be grateful to have work (which I am), but it's hard to know that I'm putting so much time into something that I'm not passionate about.

I think back to a year ago and realized that this week in 2009 is the same week that I gave my notice at work and told Eddie that I loved him for the first time. It was an epic week to be certain. What can I say about this week 2010? I burned my finger pulling cookies out of the oven and Eddie and I bought a dresser for our apartment. Not quite so awesome. July 2009-June 2010 was probably one of the most significant years of my life - I don't know if it can be topped - and it's hard to go from the amazingness of that year to the "nothing" that is scheduled until who knows when.

This isn't a complaint, though I realize it may sound like it is, and I know the advantages I have been given set me up to live better than a significant part of the world. I just have to be real with where I am and what I'm feeling, and this is it right now. It's been a roller coaster of emotion lately (poor Eddie) as I try to process what is in store for me next and look for the next missing piece of the puzzle that is life.

Do I take a job because it is a job and I need money even though I know I wont be happy?

Do I pursue jobs at SPU? Is that a good place for me to be or is it just "easy?"

Should I go back to school and get my masters?

What do I even want to do?

I don't know if it's just the desire to escape or something else, but what I keep coming back to is leaving and getting back on the road and seeing things, experiencing life, and exploring the world. There are so many things I want to do and places I want to see and visit and I want to share it with someone. I didn't get to do that last time around and the next time I travel I want a companion. I want the freedom and money to travel with Eddie.

Can someone find me a job where I get to do this?

Please?

Long Weekend

I’ve been married a month now, and it’s been lovely. Not only is Eddie is a wonderful person, he’s an even better husband. He is quite charming and loving and continues to supplying me with delicious treats – even though they are making my pants tighter. We have enjoyed our first month together in our little apartment. It’s starting to become a bit cozier as we unpack and put things away. It seems to be a never-ending battle at times though.

This last weekend was wonderful. Eddie and I both had four days off and got to spend them together. Thursday night we went salsa dancing in Pioneer Square with my cousin Katie and learned a few moves. It was a lot of fun and we each got to dance with some “interesting” characters. My two personal “favorites” were the toothless, cross-eyed, potentially homeless man who didn’t even try to follow the steps, and the overly eager man in a Canadian tuxedo (wearing denim from head to toe – actually his pants were too short so it wasn’t quite down to his toes) who also had one white nose hair growing out of each nostril. The latter of these two men saw me later in the night and felt the need to frantically wave from across the park. Apparently we are BFF’s now. Afterwards my cousin Jeremy met up with us and we hit up a few bars. It was way too much fun.

Eddie and I spent Friday enjoying doing nothing. We actually slept a good portion of the day and got “caught up” since we have been going-going-going since before the wedding! It was the first day where we didn’t have to do anything. Didn’t have to get up for work or church, didn’t have to meet up with anyone, and didn’t have to run any errands. It was a truly lazy day and we loved it. We did end up going north to Seattle in the evening to meet up with Ben and Joanne (Eddie’s sister and brother-in-law) who moved up her from Vegas early last week. We tried out the taco truck in Wallingford which turned out to be delicious, and then drank a few beers out of mason jars at Al’s Tavern. We then moved on to the Tin Hat where we had a few more beers and just enjoyed hanging out!

Saturday was another rather lazy day. We did make it to the bank and tried to take care of some lingering financial stuff that we have going on, but didn’t get terribly far. We attempted to make sushi that night as well, but it didn’t go as well as we’d hoped. We had a late start with the rice and then were anxious to get the show on the road and I don’t think it cooked quite long enough. We will make another attempt at some point I am sure. We ended up playing Mario Kart Wii which was really fun.

Sunday we actually rolled some of the sushi – it was a bit mushy but turned out ok – and watched a few movies. It was another lazy day – but we did manage to make it to church for the 5 o’clock service and then headed over to Ben and Joanne’s for some Tijuana hot dogs (for those of you who are ignorant like I was, it’s a bacon wrapped hot dog) and beer before we walked over to the Fremont bridge to watch the firework show. It was a lot of fun and we ended up running into my friends, Jamie and Elizabeth, and seeing my cousin Jeremy.

Yesterday Eddie and I had intended to go hiking, but a late morning and a delayed start prevented us from such accomplishments. It was our one month anniversary and so we decided to use a gift card from the wedding for dinner. First we did a bit of shopping and finally purchased a dresser for our bedroom – hopefully this will help get us a bit more organized – which we get to pick-up today. We went to dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory – not our favorite place in the world – and had an enjoyable dinner. I will have to say that their cheesy bread appetizer is amazing. It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever had at that restaurant. We then went to Red Box and picked up a movie. I made myself a few mojitos and we finished off the last of our cookie dough while we watched the movie.

All in all – it was a wonderful weekend and just what we needed. Unfortunately it’s now Tuesday and we are back at work. I guess the bills need to be paid so we’re thankful to have income of some kind, I am still holding out for lottery winnings so I can have a few more lazy days in my life.

Two Days

I get married tomorrow. Weird.

But terribly exciting!

Swimming

I started swimming again on Monday. I haven't been in a pool since at least February, but I think it was actually more like January (can't remember now). It was great to get back into the water and get a great work out. Unfortunately my lapse of time in the water has decreased my speed and endurance, but I am determined to keep it up!

My original motivation was to help me lose a few pounds before the wedding, but a friend pointed me toward the speedo website and now I am swimming with a greater purpose. To help stop Malaria! You can find my swim page at http://www.WorldSwimAgainstMalaria.com/ann and even contribute to the cause through my page!

I'm planning to do 25km between now and June 25. It's about 15.5 miles and at my current pace it's something like 11 hours in the pool - totally doable. I would have set my goal higher but who knows how much time I'll have in the next two weeks (since I'm getting married and all) and I didn't want to shoot myself in the foot! I can always increase my goal though. :) I may try to do an extra long swim on June 25 since it's the final day and all, but I don't know yet - I'll keep you posted of course!

Disoriented

I woke up this morning convinced that it was Friday. I'm not too far from the truth on that since I am taking tomorrow and Friday off, but it is in fact Wednesday not Friday. Yesterday I told someone it was Wednesday, Monday felt like Tuesday, and Sunday felt like Saturday. My days are all wacky right now and I'm not sure why. Too much exercise maybe? :)

Things are moving along for the wedding. We're 3 1/2 weeks away from the "I Do's" and there is still quite a bit to do. I'm not really stressed about it though, I know it'll all get done and I am taking a 5-day weekend starting tomorrow to tackle the few remaining big list items. On the agenda are centerpieces, ceremony programs, chairs, and linens. It should be a productive weekend.

Amidst all of the wedding planning I have been working part time at the Security office at SPU in a temp position. I can stay at SPU through the end of the summer, but it'd be great to have a full time job with benefits so I have been applying for various other jobs too. Hopefully something will come through sooner rather than later, but we'll see.

My job search has brought up a lot of questions for me regarding what it is that I really want to do with my life. On one hand I'd like to get into a position that I could see myself doing long term and has potential for advancement. On the other hand I need a job to support Eddie and I. I don't want to settle for just anything, but I don't know how far I should push pursuing something I'm more passionate about, especially when the pay is unlikely to hit the mark that I need. I stressed myself out about it last week. Eddie was (of course) really supportive of me and the situation, but it didn't really provide me with a lot of answers. I just don't think I've ever been a big fan of transition. Change I am good with because I am doing something or something is happening, but transition involves a lot of waiting and I am not usually in control. It's much more stressful!

In other news, I am planning to start writing down stories from my Europe trip and life in general. I realized that a lot of the blogging I did overseas was direct, "this is what I did today" information. I don't want to forget all my stories and adventures that I had! I may post some of them here so get excited. :)

More than Enough

Life has been busy lately. Busy, busy busy! After I got engaged and everyone told me that planning a wedding was a lot of work, I kind of brushed it off like it was no big deal. I mean, how hard could it be? I coordinated events for three years at SPU and I have put together several big parties and always helped out with things at my parent's house. Why should a wedding be that much different?

In some ways, I do still think that it isn't as big of a task as some people made it out to be, but I now know it was naive of me to be so flippant about it. It's not the planning itself that it is hard, but rather keeping to a budget and accommodating every one's opinions, thoughts, and suggestions. It's funny who decides to throw their two cents into the ring and more often than not it's people that I never would have expected it from. I now wish I could go back in time and hold my tongue when talking to friends who were planning their weddings.

I have learned a lot so far in this process. Everything from having to be more assertive about what it is that I want and being less blunt and more tactful when saying it to ordering extras just in case because it'll probably end up saving me money in the end. I'm sure there are more things that I will learn as June 5 approaches, but I'll take those as they come.

I am working part-time at SPU as temporary staff in the Security office (I think I mentioned that before) and it is keeping me more than busy! I am so thankful for the time that I had unemployed when I was able to get a lot of big-picture ideas nailed down and figured out. I still have more than enough to do and my list seems to keep growing and growing! We're doing a lot of the pieces ourselves and so it just takes up a lot of time. If it were my full time job to plan a wedding it'd be much easier than planning one while working 32 hours/week and trying to be creative about it all!

Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying the process and I wouldn't really want it any other way. I like to be in control and organize details about things that I care about. It just is a lot more work than I originally anticipated.

When it all comes down to it though, the thing that matters most is that Eddie and I are getting married and starting a wonderful new life together. I am so thankful for him and God's work in both of our lives bringing us together. It's been such an incredible journey so far and I can't wait to see what is in store. I'm so ready for this next phase, but am trying really hard not to get too carried away and focused on the future. I want to enjoy this moment and being engaged and all that comes along with it. I am blessed and thankful for everything in my life. I have more than enough. So much more.

Back on the Wagon

I am finally forcing myself to get back on the wagon.

No, I am not a smoker or alcoholic, but I am addicted to something. That something is food and laziness.

I have however finally decided that the habbits I have fallen into since returning from Europe will not do. I not only have a wedding dress to fit into on June 5, but I also have not yet reached the goal that I set out to meet two years ago!

I have seven weeks until the wedding and I have decided that there are no more excuses allowed. I am busy and life is hectic while I am working and planning a wedding, but I will make time to work out and I will begin eatting better! Fortunately my eating habbits aren't too far off (though they can be better) and it's really just the working out part that I need to be more dedicated about.

A few of my co-workers (I may not have mentioned this yet, but I am temping at SPU until the end of May and am now working in the Security office) are trying to lose weight as well and so we have embarked upon a group challenge. We have seven weeks (until June 4) to lose as much weight as we can. Whoever loses the most weight wins, and the two losers have to buy the winner dinner.

So, I now have a goal and I now have extra motivation to lose the weight. I have signed up for an online food and exercise tracker. I will be putting a little icon on the side of the blog where you can follow my progress! There's no time like the present right? Right!

Here goes nothing!

Burn

I burned my hand this morning.

I was boiling water in my tea kettle and went to pour it in my cup. When I poured it out of the spout it came out faster than I anticipated and didn't make it into the cup, but instead went all over my left hand that was holding the cup.

This is a picture of my hand this morning.

Here is what it looks like now.

I am just awesome I guess.

Helpless

One of the causes of anorexia is that people feel out of control and helpless. They feel like the only thing they can control is what they do or don't eat. It's their own way of regaining their sense of what they've lost and creating a sense of order, though it is twisted and unhealthy. Some days I feel as though I can understand where this desire comes from. I am not anorexic, so please don't misconstrue my words. All I mean is that sometimes I wish there was more in my life that I could control.

My life is good. I have a wonderful family that loves and cares for me and my parents are letting me live at home in exchange for monthly chores since I don't have a job. Eddie is the best fiance ever and puts up with all my wedding craziness like a pro. He is supportive and encouraging and always right there by my side loving me. I have great friends that I can call anytime to just chat with, complain to, or process things out loud with. We have ridiculous amounts of fun and can laugh for hours over the most minute and insignificant thing. I have a great life, but that' doesn't mean it's always easy.

Right now the thing that I have to latch onto is the wedding. I am planning all the details and trying to organize the day. If I throw myself into the chaos that is a wedding then I don't have to think about where Eddie and I are going to live, how we are going to support ourselves, and the countless other unknowns ahead of us. My life, though great, is chaotic enough right now in this moment, let alone all the question marks of the future.

Most of my things are in storage still and the few things I have unpacked are haphazardly placed in drawers and closet spaces. Half of my closet is not mine - it became my parent's storage space when I moved out years ago. Few things actually have a place in my life right now. I feel helpless, and at the same time I know it's not helpless. I know things will get better and more "controlled" as time goes on, but it's the now that is difficult. I want to fix things, it's what I do, but I can't right now. I can't fix this problem. I have to wait, Eddie and I have to wait. We have to do our best but we also have to trust God and know that He will take care of us in this situation.

For now, that's all I can do. Well, that and taste test wedding cake.

Extended Absense

Hi Friends,

I know I have been abnormally absent and I plan to update this soon. Life has been busy with more traveling and wedding planning. My plan and goal is to get myself into a more rigid routine in the next week so that I can keep myself on track and organize my life so that I don't feel so scattered.

I have created a new blog, www.eddieandann.blogspot.com, which is where I will be posting wedding updates and details. Please feel free to follow along there as well. I also have created a website on The Knot. There is some cross-over from the sites but the website has more of the "details" whereas the blog has more of the "process." Or at least it will as I continue to update things.

Anyway, I am still here, alive and kickin. More details will come soon. I promise!

For now I am off to work out so that I can fit into my dress come June. Talk about a real motivator!