Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Downside of Travel

After returning from my overseas adventure my focus shifted to the holiday season and planning the wedding. In my "spare" time I also applied for jobs and was fortunate enough to have some connections that allowed me to be hired temporarily. It wasn't (isn't) a glamorous job and not something I anticipate wanting to do long term (in fact I will be finished with the position at the end of August) but it was something to help pay the bills and easy enough that I could sneak in a few wedding planning details between projects.

Well, now that wedding has come and gone I find myself wondering what to do (again) with my life. I am thoroughly enjoying being married to Eddie (as discussed in the last post) and there is plenty for us to do at home to continue to get settled into our apartment but the 32 hours that I work each week and quickly becoming painful. I know 32 hours is not a lot and that I should be grateful to have work (which I am), but it's hard to know that I'm putting so much time into something that I'm not passionate about.

I think back to a year ago and realized that this week in 2009 is the same week that I gave my notice at work and told Eddie that I loved him for the first time. It was an epic week to be certain. What can I say about this week 2010? I burned my finger pulling cookies out of the oven and Eddie and I bought a dresser for our apartment. Not quite so awesome. July 2009-June 2010 was probably one of the most significant years of my life - I don't know if it can be topped - and it's hard to go from the amazingness of that year to the "nothing" that is scheduled until who knows when.

This isn't a complaint, though I realize it may sound like it is, and I know the advantages I have been given set me up to live better than a significant part of the world. I just have to be real with where I am and what I'm feeling, and this is it right now. It's been a roller coaster of emotion lately (poor Eddie) as I try to process what is in store for me next and look for the next missing piece of the puzzle that is life.

Do I take a job because it is a job and I need money even though I know I wont be happy?

Do I pursue jobs at SPU? Is that a good place for me to be or is it just "easy?"

Should I go back to school and get my masters?

What do I even want to do?

I don't know if it's just the desire to escape or something else, but what I keep coming back to is leaving and getting back on the road and seeing things, experiencing life, and exploring the world. There are so many things I want to do and places I want to see and visit and I want to share it with someone. I didn't get to do that last time around and the next time I travel I want a companion. I want the freedom and money to travel with Eddie.

Can someone find me a job where I get to do this?


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