Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Today ...

I am wearing my hair in a "poof" today and it's kind of a high poof. I always feel like I look like I should be a Country Rock Star when my hair is worn high like this. It's not intentional and I never realize how "high" it is until I'm walking out the door for work and it's too late to go back and change it. At that point I just walk with confidence and hope that no one thinks I look ridiculous. It's not that I'm insecure, I just don't want to look like a country pop star. I'm not Shania or Faith or whoever ...

Today is kind of a weird day. I am feeling a lot of different emotions and I don't know where I'm going to land. I think I didn't get enough sleep last night and so I'm a little irritable. I'm exhausted for not particular reason and frustrated with myself for blowing my diet last night and today. I'm using every last bit of myself control not to go get a cookie left over from lunch that is in the next room and I am going to force myself to go swim tonight. I'm considering taking a nap after work but I can't decide if that would be a good idea or not. I might not want to get out of bed to go swim, and that cannot happen tonight.

I think I'm very much in a place right now where I can't focus on the moment. All I can think about is the future and I'm so anxious for it to get here I'm just annoyed with the present. I don't want to do the work to get where I want to be but I know I have to put the effort in or it just wont be worth it in the long run. I feel pathetic for being so exhausted all the time because I know there are people out there who do way more than I ever do in a day and find the strength to do it again day after day after day. I don't want to be a complainer, that's not my style, but I feel like I've been complaining a lot and I don't like it. The hard part is that I don't like being fake either, so I don't want to pretend like there's nothing bothering me. I'm not about to put a smile on my face unless I have a reason, so I guess that means I have a choice. I think I'm going to choose to find something to smile about and choose not to let things get to me. I think I can live with that.

2 comments:

Sarah Elizabeth said...

Personally, I think you should post some pictures of this "poof" so we can all see what you mean.

"I feel pathetic for being so exhausted all the time because I know there are people out there who do way more than I ever do in a day and find the strength to do it again day after day after day. I don't want to be a complainer, that's not my style, but I feel like I've been complaining a lot and I don't like it."

Hold on there a minute. There is absolutely no shame in being honest and explaining how you feel. You are hardly complaining. In fact, considering I've known you over ten years now, I don't honestly think I can ever say that you've complained. You are the world's biggest trooper that I know. You analyze the situation, find a solution, and put it into action. You talk about your struggles along the way, but I think that's hardly complaining. In fact, you are the most amazingly optimistic person I know, and that is something I admire you greatly for that.

Secondly...if you're tired, you're tired. You can't compare yourself to anyone else regarding that. I know you know that, but I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to be exhausted, mentally and physically. No one is dealing with your life but you.

We all love you.

<333

anng said...

1. I'm so thankful for you Sarah! :) You just made my night.

2. Unfortunately I destroyed the "poof" before any pictures were taken. Unintentionally of course ...

 
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