Friday, November 7, 2008

Making It Real

As much as I have told myself that my European adventure IS going to happen, a part of me knows that it is not final until I quit my job, purchase my plane ticket, and pack up my material things. This is a huge deal and as it quickly approaches I am beginning to realize how much I need to finalize my plans - the biggest thing being that I need to tell my boss that I’m quitting. That’s a hard thing to do. I hate closing doors even if it’s to open a new one, but as a friend blogged yesterday, in order to take a step forward we must let go of what’s behind us.

I need to let go and I think I am ready to do it; it’s just terrifying to wonder what is ahead of me. I have no control over the future anyway – whether I go to Europe or not – but if I don’t go, I know that I will still have my savings account, a job, and somewhere to live. There is security in that even if it’s not doing what I want. I could easily let the fear of the unknown stop me but I refuse to. Maybe I’m just being stubborn at this point, but I’ve come so far to mentally prepare for this journey that I can’t turn back now.

I think the hardest thing is knowing that I’m going to miss big moments in my friends’ lives. I already have three weddings that I will miss and I’m sure there will be others that I just don’t know about yet. Babies are going to be born, my former residents will graduate from college, and it’s possible that my grandma will not make it to 2010. It’s hard to accept that I may not be around for these moments, but I have to remind myself that even if I decide to wait another year or two to take my trip, there will always be things I’ll miss out on. I can never be present at all the moments.

It’s a selfish thing to say, but I need to put myself first and I need to take action. If I don’t do it now, I never will and I will regret it. I don’t want to regret anything in my life and to this day there are only a few things that I wish I had done differently – one of which is studying abroad. By taking this trip I have the opportunity to make up for that regret, and who knows, perhaps I’ll end up making up for some others in the process.

My trip is a reality. It’s almost upon me. I’ve decided my last day of work will be January 23 and I’ll be leaving for Europe the first week of February. Yep, it's definitely final.

There’s no going back now…

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