Wednesday, June 10, 2009

More About Life

If I’m honest with myself, I am a little overwhelmed with life at the moment. I can’t really believe I’m saying that – let alone expressing it to the world via this blog – but it’s true. Life has suddenly gotten crazy. I guess I saw it coming but I should have been more prepared for it. Now that it’s here I have a feeling that it isn’t going to slow down and that’s the overwhelming part.

At work things are picking up because summertime is here. The conference season starts on Monday and I’m barely keeping my head above water as it is. It seems that just when I resolve one issue there is another one lurking just around the corner. Case and point: This morning I made a to do list and discovered that I had 65 things to do. At the end of the day, after I had crossed off several items, I had 70 things on the list. How am I supposed to get ahead of this? I think I am going to go into work early tomorrow and probably will spend some time there over the weekend. I honestly don’t mind working a little extra since I get paid overtime, but it’s not something I want to do a lot of. I want to have a life outside of work!

I’ve been trying to be really hardcore about working out. I’m 12 pounds away from my next weight goal which is great but frustrating because I seem to always get suck right around this point. I did overcome the hurdle a few months back but then life got busy and I re-gained the weight. I don’t want to do that this time. I want to lost it and keep it off and then set my next goal. I know that once I start my travels I am not going to have time to work out and will probably not be able to eat as well due to my tight budget and schedule. I want to do what I can before I head overseas and hopefully when I return I won’t be too far off track. I’ve been working out five or more times a week and it’s been great, but I’m starting to wear down. I’m tired and my motivation is slipping.

My social life has also gotten busier. I’ve been staying up late for the sake of conversation and choosing to hang out with friends instead of sleep or work out. Yes, that’s fine to do every once in awhile, but I also need my rest and I need to keep my body functioning. I can’t burn the candle at both ends for too long – even though I may want to – before there isn’t any candle left. Am I having fun and enjoying every minute of it – yes – but I’m tired.

On top of all these things that are necessary for a person to do in order to function in society (be active, be social, and make a living) there are the specifics of my life that need to be taken care of. I have two and a half months before I leave and I still haven’t planned out my trip! I need to get on that sucker. I’ve been busy buying many of the toys I plan to take with me (my backpack, a mini-laptop, and a new camera) but I still need the important items like plane tickets, rail passes, and perhaps something to help me translate. I also need new shoes. That is an important item that must be taken care of or my feet will not last a day.

I also want to do some pleasure reading and writing. A friend of mine has begun to write down several of the ideas she has had swimming around in her head for the book she wants to write. That’s incredible! I’m so excited for her and really want to do the same for myself. I love to write and would love to be paid to do so. I have such a hard time pinpointing a plot or purpose (as you may have discovered by reading my blog) that I get frustrated when I try to sit down and accomplish something. I think I really just need to be more dedicated and focused, but it takes time and it seems like I never have enough time.

There are so many unknowns out there. I know I talked a bit about this the last time I wrote, but it’s true. I don’t know what my life has in store for me over the next 10 weeks, nor do I know what will happen in January. So many things are about to change it’s almost unreal. How is this my life? How am I so blessed to have so many opportunities to choose from? As overwhelming and daunting as it all is, I truly am thankful for it all. I know that there are many people in the world who have significantly less than I do and I do not want to take anything for granted.

I think I’m growing. I am learning more and more about myself each day and I’m excited to see where this road leads. Life is about the journey right? As they say in one of my favorite movies (The Shawshank Redemption), “get busy livin’ or get busy dieing.” I want to be busy with life embracing the possibilities, not focused on the end. I know I’m not perfect and I know will probably fail many times, but the beauty of grace is that I get to keep trying and that’s what I plan to do.

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