Friday, October 16, 2009

Mind Funk

I hate to admit it (because I am quite stubborn) but I am tired. I am tired of living out of a bag. I am tired of seeing church after church and climbing tour after tower. There are so many castles and bridges and pieces of artwork that "you just have to see" and it's all a bit overwhelming. The fall/winter transition season is my most favorite because I love getting the changing of leaves, the sound of rain while curled up on the couch in my pj's drinking peppermint hot chocolate. I love the cold on my nose and how it feels when I scrunch it and it feels like it is taking forever to return to its normal look (even though it doesn't take nearly as long as it feels). I love anxiously awaiting Thanksgiving so that the next day I can start listening to Christmas music, and I LOVE when it is finally December, my most favorite month ever.

I am like a little kid when it comes to snow. I love waking up to it on the ground and for the last 20 years of my life have anxiously watched the news to see if school/work will be canceled for the day. I love all the Christmas lights and the other decorations and I love that my birthday is just 12 days before the big celebration. I love everything about the seasonal change and as it nears the middle of October I realize more and more how much I miss being in the comfort of my own home, my own place, with the ability to come and go as I please, sleep soundly in the privacy of my own room, and be as loud or as quiet as I want. I miss driving in my car with the music blasting and being able to sing at the top of my lungs and not worry about who can hear me.

I am thankful that I already have my ticket home and that I am so "cheap" that I would not want to waste the $400 ticket otherwise I am sure that I would seriously consider returning home early. It's not that I'm not enjoying my time, it's just that after awhile, things start to feel the same. I'm in different cities, but they're all becoming a bit of a blur. It's feelings like this that allow me to see how I really tick and function. I miss my friends and family and have realized that I need them around me in order to feel at home. I need to be able to tell people about my day and express my thoughts and feelings in order to feel like I accomplished something. I am so thankful for the internet and my ability to skype and IM and FB chat with friends and family.

Like I said, it's not all bad. I am enjoying myself. I am just tired of having to think 5 steps ahead. I'm tired of thinking about where I will stay and how to keep costs down and when and where to buy train or tram tickets. I am tired of not being able to read any of the labels at the grocery store and stressed that I'm doing something wrong and the clerk will yell at me (again - it's already happened twice). I don't want to look like an idiot and at home I know my way around. I just miss the familiarity and having a base to unwind and someone else to help carry the load.

With all that said, I spent to day trying to recuperate. I caught up on a few TV shows, went to the post office and mailed another package home, bough my train ticket to Zurich (with a stop in Salzburg), talked to Eddie, my mom, and my friend Shera, ate pasta, and drank wine. It was a good day. I'm feeling a little more refreshed and like I might be a bit closer to getting out of my funk. I feel ready to get on the train tomorrow and head into the town where "the hills are alive with the sound of music." (Yes, Salzburg is where the Sound of Music is based.) I will spend two nights there, then head to Zurich for two nights, and then to Bern for two nights. From Bern I will go to Milan and thus begin my southern European dip to Italy and Greece. I can't believe I am already at this point!

Now, for two funny stories and a sad one, and then I will stop my rambling.

First, I forgot to mention that during my tour of the Jewish Synagogue here in Vienna, the tour guide was explaining the stars in the ceiling of the temple and why they were there. This is in reference to God telling Abraham that his descendants would be as many as the stars in the heaven. Well as she explained, she literally said, "Abraham had produced no fruit from his loins." I had to hold back my chuckle because yes, that is the way it is written in scripture, but I don't think I've ever heard someone legitimately and so seriously say that phrase.

Second, today when I was buying my train ticket to Salzburg and then to Zurich I asked the agent if I could apply for the Austrian discount card which would save me $50 in the end. She said she technically could not since I didn't have a European address but then followed with, "I wont tell if you wont tell." So funny. I am thankful for the little wins God gives me in my life.

The sad story is about yesterday and how on my way home from the Belvedere museum I got lost. I walked around district 10 (which is somewhere south of district 5 where I needed to be) for about an 45 minutes before I finally asked someone where I needed to be. The lady I asked (who didn't speak English and I could just say "Westbahnhof" and point in the direction I thought the train station was) pointed me in almost the opposite direction from where I was heading. After about another 30 minutes of walking I finally found a tram station and decided to give in and take it back to the station (I decided the $2.50 was worth it in stead of walking for another hour hoping I wouldn't get lost again). It was a tiring day to say the least.

I have one more week until I am officially at my halfway mark. I am determined to not let my mind funk get the better of me. I know that looking back on the trip I will regret not making the most of my experience, but it is hard in the moment. Every day is a challenge and I can't help but wonder what else I am going to learn about myself on this trip. There is so much time left, unless of course Switzerland turns me into a pop-sickle.


Elizabeth Joy said...

hang in there friend! I don't think you'll regret pressing on and making the most of each day...even on days when that seems difficult. There are surely still lessons to learn and adventures to be had ahead of you! You are in my prayers.

gail said...

I am also thankful the "little wins" that God gives you in your life. Remember His promises, He WILL provide you strength! Travel on!!!

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